a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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