are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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