No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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