she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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