I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
