Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
