youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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