I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
