Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
