Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
