I got chris browned last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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