I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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