Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
