just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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