I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
