I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize