Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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