Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
