I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
