we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my liver is dry heaving
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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