woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
