Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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