if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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