Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
