I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
