bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
