the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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