I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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