That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I want is dick and wine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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