I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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