therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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