I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
