I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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