The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize