Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
