highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
