i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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