Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
