Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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