this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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