butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
