Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
