and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
