I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
