I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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