she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
