You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
