I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
