i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
