I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize