P.S. I can't hear my feet
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
