I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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