i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
