You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
FUCK WHALES
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