i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
