I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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