But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
