yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
