just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
