i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
