I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
