this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
