i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
