Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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