He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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