Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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