i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
