Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
